On my way to work this morning, I was thinking about my next 30 days. About the challenge that I am about to take on. I then started thinking about my fears. What I am truly DEATHLY afraid of.
4. Roaches. JuneBugs. Skeeter Eaters.
I will straight up throw a baby at those three bugs. I DESPISE them. Skeeter Eaters find me. It is straight up their mission in life to get to me. Roaches are the most disgusting thing on this planet. I've seen Fear Factors where you can win a Million dollars just by being sitting in a bathtub, being covered by them. Hell to the absolute NAH. I would have to be sedated, and have no recollection, no knowing of it AT ALL. June bugs are death. I would come home before a certain time one summer so I didn't have to run into them. They have one direction, attack the Kaela. They could seriously take my house over with an army of 6. No lie.
I know it is a natural part of life. It's still a fear of mine. Maybe I will come to peace with it one day.
2. Losing the ones closest to me. Sometimes I'll think about it, and cry. The thoughts are paralyzing.
1. The fear of failing. I have mentioned this before. But, I think this is what has prevented me from so much in my life. I started my Whole30 challenge today. I am deathly afraid of it. Why? Why am I so afraid of food? Of being healthy? Of getting on the right track. I sabotage myself. Its 30 days.
I can do this. I will do this. I want to challenge every part of me. Poor Dayton, he has to live with me. I expect lots of mood swings. But.. I think I can.. I think I can..
Choo Choo Mother Focka.
I have lots of goals for this year. Some I think are quite attainable. Some, probably won't happen.
The 64 lbs that I plan on losing WILL happen.
I also would like to be debt free.
This one might not happen. I need to sit down with a financial counselor. I would love to just get all of them paid off and just have one lump sum to pay on. Credit cards are seriously the devil. They make you feel all powerful. Swipe, swipe, swipity, swipe.
I mean why can't a little Hispanic girl and a purple monkey appear and say "Kaela, no swiping." And that be the magic trick. My card magically goes back in my wallet and I bow my head in shame and walk away. I am so impulsive. Curse my only child syndrome!!!
So here we go. Whole30 Day 1.
And on that note, I must bid you adieu.