I know that I wrote about Dayton being my "happy" the other day, but I believe there are two different kinds of happy. There is the happy that you feel when you are with other people, and then there is the happiness that you feel within yourself. There has been multiple occasions where I have been upset and Dayton has made the comment "I just want to make you happy". He does make me happy. He makes me the happiest I have EVER been. But, I have to be happy with MYSELF. The only thing I am ever hard on myself about is my weight. I love everything else about myself. He tries so hard to help me. He will suggest things, "Are you sure you want that?". Ultimately, it's MY decision. If I want that damn donut, I'm going to eat that damn donut. He can slap it out of my hand. But chances are, I'm going to slap him, and then pick that donut up of the floor and eat it. #fatgirlprobz. And then there are times where I am eating healthy and he is not, and he wants a hamburger. So what? Why should he suffer because I have to? Life is about temptations. If I choose to get a hamburger with him, that's not him holding me down, forcing me to eat it. I have said it before, I'll say it again. I own every single pound that I have. Until you take ownership over yourself, and stop blaming others for your problems, then nothing with get resolved. It's easier to blame someone else than admitting you're the problem. When I was little my mom would try and limit the sweets that I had. My dad did not. If I wanted it, I got it. I would like to blame my eating habits today on that, but guess what? I am an adult. Adults can't blame their daddy for things. This is MY journey. I have stepped off the path countless times. Each time, it has been MY fault. If I am not happy, I search for reasons why am I not happy. Most of the time it is in my control. Happiness isn't hard to achieve. If you want something bad enough, you will do whatever you can.
If I stop now, then by next week I could gain 5 lbs. And I'm just that much further from my goals. I have to learn from my past in order to make a better present and future.
I OWN ME
And on that note, I must bid you adieu.